The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
