Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
