i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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