It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
