the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
wow bdsm is so cute
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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