Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
