Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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