Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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