Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
