i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
