If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
