I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
