I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
