Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
