he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
