oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
