Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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