If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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