I want to make a zoo with you.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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