david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
