My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
