C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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