She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
