dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
