Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
