if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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