Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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