I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
