i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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