maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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