Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
