bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
