i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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