I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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