Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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