I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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