I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
