Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
