cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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