quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
