I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
