So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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