making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
