it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
