the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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