if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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