Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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