Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
