I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it glows. i had to have it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
