When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
