He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
