there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
