Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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